My Why—Victim to Victory!
I have been on my journey of self-discovery and personal transformation my whole life. However, I didn’t understand the impact of this until 10 years ago.
From the outside looking in I had a blessed and charmed life. I seemed to have the idyllic stay-at-home mom lifestyle, with the perfect marriage, the perfect home, the perfect children, the perfect clothes, the perfect cars, the perfect bank accounts, the perfect vacations, the perfect pets. My husband and I were considered “the golden couple” within our circle of friends, but nothing could have been further from the truth.
Regardless of how life looked on the outside, on the inside, I felt a massive void that I just couldn’t explain. My spouse and I no longer shared happy, healthy energy together—we were drifting apart at a rapid pace (things were good until they weren't if you know what I mean). I became increasingly disconnected from my friends and family. At times I distracted from life with glasses of cabernet, Costco-sized bags of Skinny Pop, and way too much social media. I couldn't understand why I “had it all” yet my heart felt so empty, and I felt so alone. I had a life most people dreamt about yet I wasn't fulfilled. I wasn't happy and I wasn't truly me.
I would ask myself: Is this all there is to life? What is my purpose? Why do I feel so alone? What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing that? Why do I keep saying that? When are things going to get better? Why can’t I just be happy?
Back then negative, repetitive thoughts ran through my mind constantly, as if I was stuck in some kind of loop. I was aware of being overwhelmed, angry, sad, and worried sometimes all at the same time although I had no idea why. I would blame, excuse, and judge myself and others relentlessly. I wore several masks back then, including the mask of “everything's perfect”. I was drowning in “everything's perfect” as my life was imploding around me.
Not surprisingly, my marriage was falling apart, and the solitude created from self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior kept me a prisoner of my own limited beliefs and negative energy.
As if all that wasn’t enough, I was involved in a very serious car accident that further changed my world. The car accident was that shocking, pivotal event—a Universal slap upside the head you might say, that left me with a traumatic brain injury, 21 dental surgeries, amnesia, divorce, and a burning desire to figure out why my life was such a mess. This was the true start of my journey of self-discovery and transformation.
Looking back at it all now, I can honestly say that the car accident was the catalyst for my personal transformation and journey to heal myself, heal my energy, and to heal others. As I am now fond of saying: everything is a gift even if it is wrapped in barbed wire.